Dear Journal

So I've realized that you can't really say everything on here that you would like to say all the time. But boy if I did would it make for great entertainment sometimes...lol. So I've taken up journaling now. I mean old school, pen & paper journaling. It is actually very therapeutic except for the fact that an internal scream on paper isn't as good as the real thing. It has also inspired me to write poetry again. I used to write quite a bit when I was in my early teens and I probably wrote something at least once a day. Brad laughs because I could literally spend an hour or two sitting on our bed just writing out all of my frustrations and thoughts in that little spiral notebook. Does it solve all of my problems? No, but it helps me cope with things about my life that are never going to change and that I am going to have to learn to deal with. I guess you could say that I have a low tolerance to ignorance, carelessness, and other attributes like that. Instead of saying, "Hey, why doesn't your lazy ass do something" I can just journal it so I don't look like the bitch...lol.

I guess I am sort of cursed because I have my dad's wicked temper with a mixture of my mom's good-heartedness and those two are like fire and ice. That makes it tough to balance out feelings sometimes because you get torn between being nice and being pissed. So I have found that writing doesn't have to make sense since it is a combination of my rambling thoughts and my frustrations. I had initially intended for my blog to be a diary of sorts but decided that no one wanted to listen to a moody twenty something year old complain about the idiots in her life or in the world in general. I guess I am just constantly in amazement of the lack of compassion people have for each other and it has somewhat destroyed my faith in humankind itself.

Journaling also reminds of me of the things that are most important to me and the things that are well...not priorities. I've made lists comparing people, places, and things and come to many solutions by looking at the pros and cons. It allows me to better myself by reading and reflecting back on entries to get a look from the outside in. To see what others may see that I don't. I think it also helps you identify yourself as a person. You realize patterns or trends in your behaviors, likes, and dislikes. Some people may choose to blog online but I guess I just have WAY too many controversial thoughts for all of that. But I have found that writing down my feelings and thoughts actually helps more than any medication, vacation, or person ever could. It leaves my mind at peace at the end of the day.