March Madness

No I'm not talking about the month of nonstop basketball...I'm talking about my own life. March is only halfway in and its been insanity for the most part. But honestly I wouldn't like my life if there wasn't some constant unknown or hurried hectic days. It really makes you appreciate your downtime more and value your personal time overall. I've been planning trips for the summer to give me something to work towards and it is actually help me focus my attention and I've been more productive lately.
Ironically enough we had my nephew this past weekend and he actually slowed me down alot. It was the weirdest thing! I actually stayed in my PJs most of the weekend and we played board games and I cooked homemade meals. It was really nice compared to the constant, panicky running around I usually do on the weekends. Now he is a few years away from being a teenager so it's not like he is a baby who needs constant care but still a child. Now some of you may be thinking how can I possibly be that busy when I don't have children yet but you would be surprised. As of right now I have managed to book up my calendar until after the second week of April which sounds overwhelming but things are actually slow right now. The husband isn't always fond of this since it can put a damper on spur of the moment things but it gives me things to look forward to. There is race weekend, and birthdays, and hikes (yes, hikes), and concerts, and SO much more to look forward to!
I have learned that busy does not have to equal unhappiness and stress. At work I've taken a different approach to things. Prioritizing is key! Many people can't seem to figure out this simple task. Just because something is a priority to someone else doesn't mean that it is a priority to me. My fathers favorite saying says poor planning on your part doesn't constitute an emergency on my part. Isn't this true? Now my boss is always a priority since I'm technically his assistant as in any employee-boss relationship but everyone else is second. There are certain things that can be delegated and once they are delegated they are not my responsibility and I have no control over them. Letting go is often a big deal for me since I like to see things done the right way. However, I'm learning to let go and let others take responsibility for their own actions. Using this in work and personal relationships takes a lot of pressure off my plate.
All in all madness is not always a bad thing. I've always liked a busy schedule and have always been a multitasker who loses interest if things aren't fast paced all the time so this lifestyle works for me. Madness doesn't have to be stressful or overwhelming. It IS manageable my friends. And once you learn to cut stress out of the equation you may find that your soul and spirit would diminish somewhat without that so-called "madness".

On Middle Ground

Finding peace within your life is sometimes a difficult task especially when you go through a so called "metamorphosis" of who you were and who you want to be. Now some of you may think that old saying "People will never change" is true but I, on the other hand, beg to differ. I've seen it first hand that people are capable of changing whether it is for better or worse. I've watched people that I never thought would settle down get married and have a wonderful, healthy marriage. I've watched successful and intelligent people waste their life away to drugs. Change is inevitable in today's world but how we handle it really has more of an affect on us than we sometimes realize.
I've realized that just because you change doesn't mean that you have to let go of everything and do a 360. You have to find that middle ground and some sort of balance between it all or you will lose yourself in the change itself. For example, have you ever noticed how all of a sudden when people start going to church they suddenly become this totally different person? Not true. Just because you have religion doesn't mean that you are necessarily spiritual. Judging others, being selfish, and being a hypocrite are not acts of spirituality by any means. This is one of the main reasons that I have avoided church for so long. People get so caught up in the hype of telling others that they praise God they forget the real reason they are there. You have to find the middle ground where you can have a connection to God that helps you not makes you feel superior to others. It is a lot harder than it looks trust me...I'm there.
Growing up is another time when you must find middle ground to stand on. As we grow up we choose different paths than our lifelong friends and we meet new people. All of my good friends have children and sometimes I wonder where our lives coincide. While I may spend more time working or taking trips they are spending time with one of life's most precious gifts and making memories too. Does this mean that we can't be friends or spend time together? No! It means that there are certain aspects of my life that I turn to other people for advice or help on. I can't expect us to have everything in common because the truth is we are all wonderfully different. You must find that middle ground and remember the things that you do share in common. For most of us it is laughing and enjoying life. If you make yourself feel like an outcast then chances are you probably will be an outcast. Don't ever lose what you once loved about someone!
The relationship that my parents and I have is wonderful. It doesn't seem as strong as it once was but that is because I will someday have my own family too and that means that I must grow on my own. At first this was extremely hard for me to deal with because I am such a family person but I'm realizing that it is just life. I don't talk to my parents everyday anymore but I make sure that they know they are loved and mean the world to me. We take time out to do things together and we give each other our own space to allow me to grow. Do my parents really need to know everything that goes on in my life? Nope and I wouldn't want to stress them out either. At first this was really hard but I think I've found the middle ground. If I'm really hurting or bothered about something that Brad or my friends can't help with then I turn to my parents.
With all that said I think this mentality allows me to function in day to day life without letting too much of the junk get to me. There is no good or bad in things it is just an association label that we put on things. I mean if God is behind the scenes and we can't change certain things then why not accept them and be on middle ground? It's a great key to happiness I've found! And for those things that are sometimes hard to swallow....just breathe!

Noteworthy Books

The 4 Hour Workweek by Timothy Ferris

The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell

48 Days to the Work You Love by Dan Miller

A New Earth: Awakening To Your Life's Purpose by Eckhart Tolle

The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey

Just a few for now...suffering from writer's block lately.

When I Grow Up

That is the beginning of a sentence that most of us can remembering answering since as far back as kindergarten. And as most of us recall the answers were usually firefighters, nurses, teachers, scientists, Presidents, etc. However, you never heard children saying they wanted to be accountants or work for the IRS. So how in the heck did I end up crunching numbers for a living? To be truthful I really like what I do and I am very passionate about it (pass the barf bag please). While I do like my actual "career" I don't think it's quite exciting enough. No wonder little Johnny in the back of the class never said he aspired to be a number cruncher for a living.
Somewhere along the way we get lost into the traditional career track and lose sight of what really excites us. I feel like I'm so consumed with work that I have forgotten about the things that I actually like to do when there is time permitting. I think people who have children are blessed because they actually get to live through their children's eyes which brings back that innocent fun loving individual but for those of us who don't have children yet it can sometimes be a barrier. It definitely takes more of a self-discovery journey to find those things that we have "lost". Now my husband has a wide array of interests that he enjoys such as golf, poker, bowling, and many many more. While I do like to read I would like to hope that on my gravestone I'm not remembered by the sentence "She loved to read". I mean that makes me sound really lame and flat.
I think it's all about aligning my life around my personality. I work in an office with no windows and basically argue with numbers all day until I'm blue in the face. I would like to consider myself a social butterfly and an outgoing person which does not align with independent work at all. I'm in the process of revamping my career goals to satisfy my current career situation. I mean it is possible to be an accountant and be outgoing and social. CPAs get to visit multiple clients, they get summers off to spend time with their children, they get to consult clients on various issues, etc. In college I didn't want to even think about trying to sit for the CPA exam because it would require me sitting in for one more grueling semester and then spend a year studying for something that I may or may not pass. But isn't that what life is about...taking chances?
So all of this is getting at the point that I'm going to return to school and finish those grueling 13 hours so that I can sit for the CPA exam in a year or so. I've talked with Brad and he agrees that it would be a good career move since it will add more of the aspects that I like to my job. The kid in me wants to retire early and take trips around the world but the adult in me knows that I won't be able to get there unless I step it up now. Wish me luck!

For all my book readers...

So this post is for all of those who follow my blog that read whether it be for school (textbooks), for a hobby, or to learn something new. I was at my mom's the other night reading through one of her People magazine's and came across the most interesting website yet. It's paperbackswap.com and it's absolutely amazing if you love to read but hate keeping a bookshelf full of books you'll never read again. So here is the lowdown on it:

*You just sign up for your account using your home address, name, and such. No credit card/debit card info since it's absolutely free! All you have to pay for is the cost to ship the book to your fellow swapper. I just sent my first book out and it cost me $2.41 to send it.

*You can print the mailing label right off of your printer at home and drop the book in your mailbox which makes it SO easy to do right? Now I just paid paperbackswap.com to buy the postage. I added $10 worth of postage on my account and they charged a 50 cent charge so all together it was $10.50. They also charged a few cents when I used the postage on my account but what is 50 something cents for a new book?

*Now when the fellow swapper gets the book I get a free book credit to use on whatever book I want at no additional costs. The other person goes through the same process of paying the shipping for sending me the book.

*By the way 1 credit=1 book whether hardback or paperback. 2 credits=1 audio book. You can earn 2 credits by posting 10 books on your sell list. Needless to say that was the easiest part for me because I had about 20 to list.

Now at first I was skeptical b/c I wondered how these people are making any money but then I realized that they make a few cents off of each postage transaction. Now to me my 50 something cents was nominal for a good book that I would normally pay $20 for at Barnes and Noble but if they have 100,000 transactions a day this will definitely add up and they didn't even have to do anything. So as you can see I'm pretty stoked about this whole deal b/c I will never have to pay full price (or half price for that matter) for a good book ever again! YAY! Try it out...you'll be hooked!

Office Space

Okay so I like accounting...I like it alot actually. However, some days I can't help but to feel like I'm living proof that the dialogues in Office Space actually do exist. I mean someone had to come up with that material from somewhere; or at least the inspiration for it. Most days I just mosey in and out of my office wondering where this is all headed. As I walk by the coffee pot and interact in "water cooler" chat I can't help but feel like this lame character from a movie.
I'm currently working towards adding a little "spice" in my career but that will take a few years so for now I'm just trying to watch and observe for future reference. Throughout the bad days and brain racking problems, however, I do find humor in certain things that help me hang in there. Examples are referenced below. Eat your heart out!

-Anything on the break room counter is free game for everyone. Kind of an unspoken rule around the place but if you leave something on the counter and come back in an hour chances are that it's already devoured. Hmm....note to self....bring expired leftovers in to avoid having a smelly garbage can at home...lol. Just kidding. I wouldn't do that!

-Most of the people I work for are family so there are about 10 different Mr. XYZ's. It's always fun to test the telemarketers to see if they are slick enough to try and get through. Ummm...yes may I please speak to Mr. XYZ? Well.....which one? You have 3 tries to get a name right.

-We don't have a human resources department anymore since we downsized. You want to file a complaint about a comment a coworker made to you? Tough shit....not only will no one believe you but you have no one to tell it to. Lol. I must admit this is pretty genius.

-The vending machine people "repossessed" our Coke and snack machine. Who does that? I guess we weren't making them enough money in the machines. I mean how much can you make at 60 cents a pop seriously? It was like one day I went to get a Coke and saw the machines being taken out. It was heartbreak right there.

-My office has moved from downstairs to upstairs and back downstairs. I'm pretty sure that my next "promotion" will be straight upstairs to the caged corner of the storage closet. Which in considering that it doesn't sound all that bad....lol. I can nap when I need to, talk to myself, or blast the radio. Maybe I'll put in a request to be moved first! ;)

When the tough gets going, I just look around. There are plenty of things to laugh about; even if its only ironically funny.

I figured I would take a minute and explain just why we (women) need men in our lives and what makes us love them so much. Yesterday I came home to find my whole house clean. Thank the dear Lord because it wasn't in the greatest condition when I left for work. Now I will be the first to admit that I have a little OCD so of course I started scanning the entire house to perform the 25 point inspection. The hubby decided to help a sister out by doing the laundry, cleaning the kitchen and such. Everything was gleaming and I swear I saw those shimmery sparkles that you only see on the commercials when things are cleaned w/ the "better" product.

I began to cook dinner and when I reached for the dishtowel which I keep handy on the door to the oven I find this.....a hand towel for our bathroom. Now some of you may be thinking "And, what's your point?". My point is that in my husband's world there are no dishrags vs. bath rags. No mixing bowl vs. cereal bowl. Things are much more simple in his world than in a woman's world. Thanks to a dear friend he now has his very own set of "nesting" cereal bowls (which are actually mixing bowls). Thanks Shan! ;) At first it bothered me to watch him pour half a box of cereal and half a gallon of milk into the MIXING bowls and eat cereal but then I realized how dumb the thought really was. After all, it technically is just a bowl.

He helps bring me back a simplistic realm where things don't have to serve the purpose they were intended for. The "user" police aren't going to come and give me a citation or throw me in jail. Now I am not saying that I always agree with him on his bright ideas but for the most part I'm learning to let it go 99% of the time because it's just silly and it makes me feel like a weirdo which is always fun! It still burns me up when he uses my dish rags to clean his shoes especially when they are covered in grease afterwards but in his mind he really doesn't see what was so wrong with it. I'm going to wash it anyways right? I am starting to learn the opposite sex and their thinking logic.

It's no wonder that he isn't an emotional roller coaster like me. He doesn't overexert his mind by worrying about the small stuff. Doing laundry is a breeze when you just throw everything in together and put a little laundry detergent in there. You ask what about bleach for the whites? Enh, he doesn't worry about that either because it is an extra step and adds time to the chore. I'm learning to bend and it sure does make this marriage thing run a whole lot smoother. Now when I ask for help I take what I can get and I know what to expect...blue hand towels...lol.

Useless Information

Sometimes I think stress is partly induced because our brains have so much useless information and facts inside that we hold onto for no apparent reason. Now don't get me wrong because I'm all for educating yourself and challenging fiction vs. facts but I find that my memory holds onto the most random thoughts. Please see examples below:

-A jigger is 1 1/2 ounces. I read that in a cookbook one time and now I keep trying to find a recipe that calls for a "jigger". Yes, I know I am lame because I read cookbooks like they are fiction novels. I've read one from front to back before and because of that I now know more about pans, utensils, seasonings, and how long you can store certain vegetables before they go bad. If the world comes to an end suddenly and it is up to one human being to measure a jigger then I am definitely your girl!

-The weakest finger is your ring finger. I mean try to bend that sucker about 4 or 5 times and it's like trying to benchpress 350 lbs. This is not necessarily a fact you can find in a book or elsewhere but you just have to try to believe it. I assumed that this is why you wear your wedding bands on this finger....because it's already weak and vulnerable so it can't put up a good fight...lol.

-You know you're getting enough fiber if your "output" floats. I can thank Mrs. Plummer in wellness for this one. I think I've been waiting for my "output" to float ever since. I even tried fiber supplements but no luck. This has helped me draw the conclusion that there is no way in hell you can EVER get enough fiber.

-HTML stands for hypertext markup language. Why do I need to know that? Why do I know that? Why do we create words so big that we need to use acronyms to refer to them?

-Cats have the cleanest mouths? Or is it tongues? How can something that cleans itself with it's tongue have a clean mouth? Trust me on this one...I have two cats and there is NO way that it's mouth is clean after it licks its hind end.

-In the average person's lifetime you will swallow eight spiders in your sleep. The credit for this one goes to the Snapple bottle. Who stayed awake to realize that they've swallowed eight spiders?

-Red skies at night, sailor's delight, red skies in the morning, sailor's take warning. Why? Are there man eating mermaids in the water? Oh well, I'm not a sailor so it doesn't matter much to me.

-PMDAS: when working a complicated math problem you always work through them in this order....parentheses, multiplication, division, addition, and subtraction. This could also be referred to as the order of operations. I never have difficult math problems where I use this. Thank God for Microsoft Excel and an adding machine!!!

-Cappuccino is worse for your skin than french fries and chocolate as far as acne/zits is concerned. That is because it warms your body temperature and then your pores secrete sweat to cool the core temperature back down. And we all know that sweat=breakouts. I think I read this in a Teen Magazine about 10 years ago.

Now these, my friends, are just a few of the random things that my head is still holding onto for whatever reason. I guess they are back there in that "Jeopardy" corner in case we ever make it. I can hear it now...."What is....PMDAS?". Lol. Thanks for listening to my clueless wonders of the world. PS I'm Wandering Lust not Wandering Lost. Just because you're wandering doesn't mean you're lost! XOXO

11/25/08

They say I am broken,
And they want me fixed,
But they have no idea
That all of my emotions are mixed.
I hear their laughter and stories,
While my own spirit is dead,
So many thoughts of anger and hurt
Running through my head.
They call themselves friends,
But they are never around,
For the cries of the soul,
They make no sound.
So quick to judge you
When you make a mistake,
But don't say a word
When you get a piece of life's cake.
I guess through the grief
I have learned one thing
My angel is watching
Taking me under her wing.
For it is her
Who listens to me
Even when others
Just quite don't see.

Dear Journal

So I've realized that you can't really say everything on here that you would like to say all the time. But boy if I did would it make for great entertainment sometimes...lol. So I've taken up journaling now. I mean old school, pen & paper journaling. It is actually very therapeutic except for the fact that an internal scream on paper isn't as good as the real thing. It has also inspired me to write poetry again. I used to write quite a bit when I was in my early teens and I probably wrote something at least once a day. Brad laughs because I could literally spend an hour or two sitting on our bed just writing out all of my frustrations and thoughts in that little spiral notebook. Does it solve all of my problems? No, but it helps me cope with things about my life that are never going to change and that I am going to have to learn to deal with. I guess you could say that I have a low tolerance to ignorance, carelessness, and other attributes like that. Instead of saying, "Hey, why doesn't your lazy ass do something" I can just journal it so I don't look like the bitch...lol.

I guess I am sort of cursed because I have my dad's wicked temper with a mixture of my mom's good-heartedness and those two are like fire and ice. That makes it tough to balance out feelings sometimes because you get torn between being nice and being pissed. So I have found that writing doesn't have to make sense since it is a combination of my rambling thoughts and my frustrations. I had initially intended for my blog to be a diary of sorts but decided that no one wanted to listen to a moody twenty something year old complain about the idiots in her life or in the world in general. I guess I am just constantly in amazement of the lack of compassion people have for each other and it has somewhat destroyed my faith in humankind itself.

Journaling also reminds of me of the things that are most important to me and the things that are well...not priorities. I've made lists comparing people, places, and things and come to many solutions by looking at the pros and cons. It allows me to better myself by reading and reflecting back on entries to get a look from the outside in. To see what others may see that I don't. I think it also helps you identify yourself as a person. You realize patterns or trends in your behaviors, likes, and dislikes. Some people may choose to blog online but I guess I just have WAY too many controversial thoughts for all of that. But I have found that writing down my feelings and thoughts actually helps more than any medication, vacation, or person ever could. It leaves my mind at peace at the end of the day.

My Thankful Mistakes

So of course around this time of year everyone starts talking about what they are thankful for. It usually starts with a loving family and ends somewhere with health like my previous post. But for this entry I wanted to mix it up a little bit and make a list of all of the "mistakes" I made that I am thankful for now. Sometimes we get caught up in our failures but then years down the road we are glad that things didn't turn out the way we wanted them to. So here is my list of thankful mistakes...



#1 That I didn't finish my x-ray tech degree @ Vol State. At the time my father was heartbroken and told me that I would never find a job in accounting. I still look back and wonder if I would have been happy in the medical field but then when I remind myself of the hellish hours and all of the sick people I feel more secure in my decision.



#2 I made a few bad choices regarding my relationship and I quickly realized who was there and who was not. Needless to say my Christmas card list is much shorter now and there is a lot less drama. Do the people talk trash about me? Probably not, but if they do it's worth it to have people gone who don't care about you.



#3 I got hammered for the first time at the tender age of 13. Once I saw how much it upset my mother that was it for me. I never really drank much after that (even after I turned 21). I look back and think that seeing how alcohol effected the people I love so much made me not want to hurt them.



#4 Perming my hair...lol. And I mean in 2002 not 1992. It was so easy to manage and take care of so I just went with it. As weird as this may sound Brad actually asked me why I didn't get my hair permed again recently. I guess my permed hair helped lure him in. Ha! It must have been the smell. Guys are so weird!



#5 Calling off my original wedding date of 6/7/08. Although we only moved it out 5 months it definitely gave me some time to sit back and make sure that this was 100% what I wanted to do. Not necessarily saying that I wasn't sure if I wanted to be with Brad but I was just so scared of marriage. You always hear negative comments but rarely hear positive ones. Then I realized that it's up to us to make it work and be a happy thing not others experiences. I'm 100% sure of my decision now!



#6 That I completely snapped and freaked out these past few months. It has drawn those closer that truly love me and care about me and pushed those away who are all about themselves. Relationships have grown stronger and I really see that I do have people that I can count on no matter what. I just need to spend more time putting my energy towards those people instead of the others.



#7 That I didn't go back to get my MBA. If I would have went straight on to graduate school I wouldn't have been able to work at my current job and move up the ladder. And with the economy in a slump I might have ended up scanning canned goods at Walmart with my degree. I've started to focus more on my skills than my education. I can educate myself but you can only learn skills hands-on.



#8 That Brad and I moved into together before we got married. A lot of people gave us criticism for that since it was "sin" but I am glad that we did it b/c it showed us that we are capable of living together without killing one another. It would have sucked to get married only to realize that it wasn't working and then get a divorce.



Well I guess that is all for now. I'm sure my list could go on and on because God knows I've probably made more mistakes than accomplishments but that is what keeps pushing me. It's kind of like that show My Name is Earl where Earl is constantly trying to make up for his mistakes by making a list and correcting them. Sometimes though we just have to move on from our mistakes b/c someday down the road it will be the best mistake we ever made.

Sue Annie....Mrs. Christman if you're nasty

No, my new last name is not Christmas as funny as it looks or sounds. The joke was semi-cute at first but now it is just really corny. So we tied the knot on November 15th and it is the beginning of the best journey ever! Once you stop listening to everyone else's opinions and experiences and so on you begin to see marriage in a whole different aspect. Brad and I are both excited about all of the things we will get to experience together now as husband and wife. So I guess that means that no kiddos will be in the near future guys. Call it selfish but we would prefer to travel and do a few things for ourselves before we get into all that. If we concieve (by accident) then great but if not then I'm not a rush by any means. I've always thought that I wanted kids ASAP after I got married but now I look around and I've decided that we should probably enjoy being married first. Everyone's outlook is always different on these sorts of things and this is just mine so don't assume that I am saying this is what works for everyone else. How would I know?

So we are getting ready to host our first Thanksgiving which I am extremely excited about! New house, new marriage, new families joined together, new family traditions, new recipes!!! Could it get much better? I've bought all of the ingredients for the made from scratch casseroles, the turkey, the ham, tablecloths, centerpieces for the tables, and much much more. I must say that this holiday season is much different than last years. And it is ironic because I have much more tragedy in my life this year. I guess it just makes us appreciate the good times, right? I could look at this Thanksgiving and get sad about all of the people that won't be there this year (or ever for that matter) but I'm going to let their spirits live on in me. I think that is the best form of honoring someone who has passed away...especially when they were good people.

Friday we will head out to Bristol to be with the family there and hang out until Sunday. Brad is getting sick of going out of town I know. Between going to visit my aunt in hospice, our wedding, and my aunt's funeral I know he just wants to be at OUR house sometimes. I just think it is really important for families to spend holidays together and now that we are one it's even more important. Bristol is like a whole different world than Smyrna so it's kind of like going to another country (in my mind anyways). The people speak a little slower and move at a slower pace which can drive a man w/ ADD insane but at the same time they are so loving, compassionate, and just all around supportive. It feels like everyone there would give their last dollar if you needed it. There are a bunch of good people in that community. Now I see why my family hasn't moved.

It's crazy to think that 2009 will be here before we know it! I will definitely be celebrating! It is going to be a big, new and better year for me I know. Cut back on the bad habits (which I don't have by the way...lol ), spend more time doing things that I enjoy, say No when I don't want to do something, find a hobby that I like, learn to just deal w/ work until something better comes along, quit wasting time on the wrong people and surround myself w/ the kind of people I want to be like, laugh more, live more, and just love more. I've never really looked at a new year as anything special but this year it will be more than a number to me. It represents making it through one hell of a year and coming out alive. Heck...not just alive, but alive with a wonderful new husband, wonderful friends, the best family ever, and good health! Cheers!